Humanity
Marriage
quick ideas about marriage. Ends and properties. Love and stability. How does one arrive at marriage? How to preserve marriage?
EspañolA. Ends and properties of marriage
1. Types of union between persons
- Persons unite in different ways according to the ends they pursue. Thus there are professional, sporting, commercial unions, etc.
2. Are there unions for obtaining sexual pleasures?
These unions receive various names according to what is intended: concubinage, adultery, sodomitic (homosexual) unions, etc.
3. Is marriage a union for obtaining sexual pleasures?
No, no. Marriage is not included among this type of union. Those who seek sex prefer to obtain it without commitments and without needing to marry. Those who marry do not do so with the main aim of obtaining such pleasures.
4. What is the end of marriage?
The end of marriage is to form a family. And this implies two ends:
- Love for children. — Those who marry desire the good of their children (first the gift of life; then their education; including eternal happiness). Those who wish to have children get married. This is the principal end of marriage.
- Mutual love. — The support, the help, the desire to seek the good of the other. Here it may be interesting to see love.
5. Consequences
- Normally a family requires a more or less intense life in common, for the good of the children and the spouses. However, the same good of all admits exceptions to this rule. For example, sailors, those who work abroad, etc.
- The good of children requires the marriage to have stability until their emancipation or at least until their coming of age. Moreover, children do not wish their parents ever to separate.
- Mutual love demands respect for the dignity of the other.
6. What does the dignity of the other demand?
On this see the topic dignity. Let us summarize:
- The dignity of the soul demands respect for its religion and pious practices. And it elevates the worth of the body.
- The dignity of the body demands a mutual and exclusive surrender, so that a human being does not pass from hand to hand like an object. This rules out polygamy, divorce, adultery, etc. From here arise the essential properties of marriage.
7. What are the essential properties of marriage?
There are two and they are usually summarized in the phrase: one with one and forever.
- Unity: one with one.
- Indissolubility: forever.
8. Are these properties only of Catholic marriage?
The Catholic Church takes great care of the dignity of human beings, but the unity and indissolubility of marriage are a consequence of human dignity, regardless of the religion practiced.
9. And what does Catholic marriage add?
The sacrament of marriage:
- Provides divine aids for fulfilling marital duties.
- Strengthens stability, giving greater seriousness to the commitment. It adds a spiritual bond comparable to that of Christ with his Church.
B. How does one arrive at marriage?
1. What process leads to marriage?
In general this path is usually followed: - In a natural way there is a mutual attraction between persons of the opposite sex. - That general attraction intensifies toward one person. There is a desire to be with them, to see them, to converse. Up to here we move in the field of love-feeling: I like that person. - Soon a desire arises to seek good for that person, and we begin to enter the terrain of love-charity. (On the two types of love, see love.) - A fork appears:
- If the mutual attraction is left without control, animal instinct prevails, and sexual pleasures are sought and obtained. In this way, the beloved becomes something that gives me pleasure. I appreciate and use them. Thus one arrives at fornication, free love, lovers, etc.
- If selfishness is mastered and steps are taken in service toward that person, love-charity increases, and a moment comes when one desires to dedicate one's whole life to the other. This mutual giving leads to marriage.
C. How to preserve marriage?
1. How to maintain marriage?
Marriage is preserved to the extent that the reasons that gave rise to it are maintained: love, the desire to form a family, have children and educate them, the desire to help each other, etc.
2. Examples of preserving love?
Love has two facets and it is fitting to foster both.
- Love-charity is reinforced by seeking the way to do a good or a service for the other, or for the family.
- Love-feeling is less stable and requires several cares. For example: — Quickly forgetting the other's faults, so as not to feed hatred. — Paying attention to the other's successes and good qualities, to reinforce feelings of appreciation.
3. What qualities favor marital stability?
There are several worth practicing:
- Mastery of one's own preferences, to know how to give way when necessary (both of them).
- Patience, avoiding many greater evils.
- Control of anger and tongue, avoiding deeds and words that separate.
- A generous and helpful spirit, which diminishes selfishness. This does not mean that one must do everything. Others must collaborate, so that they too are helpful and generous.
4. And loyalty?
Of course, loyalty is indispensable: one must be faithful to the word given and fulfill the commitments made. For example, in arguments one must not threaten with separation or divorce. Fidelity is untouchable; one does not play with it.
5. Do children strengthen marriage?
Very much, and for several reasons:
- Each child brings joys and difficulties. And going through those moments together strengthens the union of the spouses.
- Each child demands attention and frees from selfishness. The habit of being interested in others is acquired, and the other is included there.
- The duty of caring for the children increases the responsibility of remaining united.
6. Does sex help?
The natural attraction between the two sexes is a good help to reinforce the union. This help diminishes in places where pornography is accepted, since with it sexual attraction is directed toward another person or toward one's own pleasures.
7. And if we no longer love each other?
Then love each other: foster your love, fall in love again, start your courtship anew, court your husband, your wife... They are the love of your life. A woman said: "My husband is the best of all my husbands."