Humanity
Divorce
quick ideas about divorce. Advantages of indissolubility. What to do in difficult cases? Divorce laws. Divorce and religion.
EspañolA. The problem of divorce
1. Is it good to break up a marriage?
Everyone prefers that marriage and family not break apart. The desirable outcome is that marriage endures until death separates them. Different opinions arise in difficult cases, since there are circumstances where cohabitation is so hard that it obscures the goods that marriage protects.
2. What goods does marriage protect?
Marital indissolubility safeguards several goods:
- Personal, family and social stability, peace and security. The security of love and affection in old age.
- The education, harmonious growth and emotional stability of children. Sometimes even their sustenance.
- The dignity of the human body, which must not be an object of exchange (with one person today, with another tomorrow).
- Indissolubility also protects love, mutual understanding and support between spouses, especially when difficulties arise, since knowing they are united forever helps provide the effort needed for a better life together.
3. What if minor difficulties arise?
Minor difficulties are not sufficient reason to lose the goods mentioned above. They are rather an opportunity to learn how to love.
4. What if major difficulties arise?
There are difficulties of such weight that they imply the loss of several of the goods mentioned. For example, adultery and habitual physical violence break loyalty, family peace and affection. In these difficult cases, separation without complete rupture may be a lesser evil that allows some of the goods that are crumbling to be preserved, such as the education of children and personal peace. Where possible, marital separation should also be avoided, since children need a united family.
5. In those situations, would a new marriage not recover those goods?
No, no; but it is costly to understand:
- With divorce, children suffer emotional imbalances and tensions, and a lack of clear guidance. For example, it is common to indulge them greatly in order to win them to one side against the other, whom they do not know whether to love or hate.
- The guilty party is not corrected by divorce, but rather becomes more entrenched in their behavior: if one person does not satisfy me, I go to another, and so on. On the other hand, if they are not permitted to remarry, they cannot harm others, unless those others choose to be their lovers.
- The innocent party who does not remarry maintains, inwardly and before their children, the loyalty of their word and conduct. They also preserve the dignity of their body, which they do not give to another.
6. But if there is no divorce, one cannot use sex
- This difficulty is rarely raised at the time of divorce. Everyone knows how easy it is to find sex and how little happiness it provides.
7. If a marriage fails, is it not better to try again with another person and rebuild one's life?
This idea sounds good, but marriage is not something magical that fixes lives. Marriage exists to form families, and precisely the strength and charm of marriage lies in its indissolubility. Only in this way does the family enjoy stable security.
8. What to do in difficult cases — for example, if the husband abandons the home?
Each case will have its appropriate counsel. When a spouse abandons the home, the family remains even though ties with him weaken. He does not fulfill his family obligations, but remains the father. If one cannot count on him, the family must be supported without his collaboration. But adding another father does not fix things; it introduces one more conflict.
9. What about someone who remarries after being widowed?
This is correct, and the differences from divorce are important. In the case of widowhood:
- The dignity of the body does not suffer, since it remains one with one person forever. In widowhood, the previous spouse no longer exists.
- Family stability and security remain guaranteed since it is still a marriage for life.
- Children do not suffer the tensions of simultaneous dual parenthood; nor is hatred toward either parent introduced in them. There may be some difficulty of adjustment, but these are lesser problems than in the case of divorce.
10. Is divorce a social problem?
At first glance, divorce is something private that concerns the affected family in such a way that only it is harmed. However, the problem extends to society when divorce becomes widespread. Then society fills with troubled children and families and the social environment deteriorates. This is why it is important to avoid divorce-enabling laws.
11. How does one end up divorcing?
Heightened selfishness can lead to divorce. The temptation of divorce may arise when individual plans are always placed above the family life project. When one excessively seeks one's own pleasures, there comes a moment when the other spouse and the children become a nuisance. But with mild selfishness the marriage can be preserved, provided there is a minimum of loyalty, of fidelity to the word given.
B. Divorce laws
1. Do divorce laws favor freedom?
It seems that divorce favors freedom, but what it actually favors is family breakdown. Adultery has always existed — with and without divorce — what divorce does is make adultery easier. If a law makes it easier to act wrongly, it hinders freedom, since it invites one to choose wrongly, and a bad choice is proof of defective freedom.
2. What evils does a divorce law create?
- Divorce fosters divorce, as experience in many countries shows. Instead of having patience and learning to understand each other, people think about breaking up at the first persistent difficulty.
- Personal and family insecurity and instability are generated (the other party can divorce at any time).
- The human person loses dignity since they come to be regarded as an object for use and disposal.
3. But permitting divorce does not prevent remaining married
- With divorce laws one can remain married; and with an indissolubility law adultery still occurs. The problem does not lie in what can be done but in what one wishes to protect. And the family will be more protected if the law prohibits divorce.
4. What can those who wish to marry with greater security do?
If in a country marriage laws do not provide security by not defending marital stability and indissolubility, one can seek that security through other laws, mainly economic ones, which tend to be the most protected. For example, it is possible to draw up before a notary a rescission clause valued in billions.
5. It is curious
- Yes. It is curious that in some countries laws carefully protect the fulfillment of economic agreements, while leaving insecure the commitment of mutual surrender of body and person. It is curious that the family is left unprotected by the law there.
6. In the face of marital problems, is it advisable to resort to laws and lawyers?
It is not a good idea. It is better to talk together in moments of calm, or to turn to prudent people who wish to help preserve the marriage. One can go to a lawyer of good conscience as a mediator, to resolve some issue together, or to prevent abuses. But the idea of a lawyer is often associated with litigation, and one does not litigate with someone one loves.
Divorce and religion
1. What does the catechism say about divorce?
"Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, freely consented to by the spouses, of living together till death (...) If the divorced person remarries, he is in a situation of public and permanent adultery" (n.2384). "The covenant freely entered by the spouses imposes on them the obligation to preserve it as indissoluble" (n.2364). The Bible adds a very clear commandment from God: "What God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mk 10:9).
2. Can an atheist ruler oppose divorce?
He can defend indissolubility, or at least make divorce more difficult for the good of the country:
- Children of divorced parents cause greater educational and cohabitation problems.
- The percentage of delinquents is higher among children of divorced parents.
- Economic and social problems increase with divorce. A united family generally supports itself better in difficult situations.
- One can be an atheist and decide to protect marital stability, considering it better than its opposite.