HumanityBioethics

Sex and Sexuality

quick ideas about sex and sexuality. Is sex for pleasure? Is any use of sex correct?

A. Sexuality

1. Why did God create sex?

For reproduction. In the case of man, for human reproduction with its spiritual content of love and self-giving between persons. Used in this way within marriage, sex is correct.

2. Is sex good and important?

It is good since it was created by God, and it has great dignity, since bringing a child into the world is one of the greatest things that can be done in this life. (Hence the wrong use of sex is a grave evil.)

3. Is sex for pleasure?

No. Sex produces pleasure, but that is not its purpose. In prostitution those pleasures are obtained, but it is an improper use of sex.

4. Are sexual pleasures correct?

Yes, since they were arranged by God to facilitate reproduction. They are good when obtained within the plan foreseen by the Creator.

5. Do these pleasures, divorced from reproduction and marriage, bring happiness?

Sexual pleasures increase happiness in the case of spouses who love each other generously. On the other hand, separated from marital love they produce gratification, selfishness, emptiness of heart, and difficulty in loving.

6. Is it not natural to be attracted to persons of the other sex?

Yes, it is. And it is also natural to join with one person only and for life. A person's normal desire is to find the love of their life and keep it. It is normal for physical or intellectual beauty to attract. On the other hand, it is not natural to desire children with just anyone, and it is not natural to desire sexual pleasures with just anyone. These are bad inclinations proper to a human nature somewhat wounded by sin.

7. In this natural process, where does marriage fit?

There is a natural development: acquaintance, affection, desire for closeness, drawing near, touching, uniting, sharing a bed. Along this line, marriage must come before expressions of affection of a sexual nature. Because sex must be used with a view to reproduction, and one should only reproduce with one's wife. Let us repeat: a person should only reproduce with their husband. Behaviors linked to sex must be reserved for the married couple.

8. Is sex in courtship correct?

It is a mistake, for several reasons:

Reproduction is not intended, and true love is obstructed by the selfish pleasures that are sought.
It diminishes the dignity of persons, since the dignity of the human body requires that it not be treated as an object of use or exchange.

9. What if we love each other?

Sex is not used with every person one loves. This is not natural but a bad inclination that must be combated.

10. It seems clear that it is wrong to use sex for pleasure — today with one person, tomorrow with another. But is it wrong to use it with someone one loves? It is right if there is a public commitment to love each other forever (marriage) beforehand. The explanation is in the article on courtship.

11. Can married couples use sex in any way they wish?

Their actions must be open to reproduction. See the article on children.

B. Sex in courtship?

1. Chastity improves communication with your partner

Physical intimacy is an easy way of relating but it eclipses other forms of communication. It obstructs true emotional intimacy — sharing personal and deep topics, smoothing out mutual differences, finding joy in shared perspectives, etc. The friendship dimension of your relationship grows.

2. Chastity improves the relationship with both sets of parents

Generally, parents prefer their unmarried children to live chastely, and feel uncomfortable if they know they are sexually active without being married. Couples who live chastity relate more cordially with both sets of parents.

3. Chastity in courtship facilitates freedom

Sexual relations create strong bonds and can prolong a relationship based solely on physical attraction or on the need for security. A person may feel "trapped" in a situation they would like to leave.

4. Sexual relations in courtship increase selfishness and insecurity

Selfishness through the pursuit of one's own satisfaction. Insecurity because they incline one to feel in competition with others who may be more attractive to one's partner. The union is superficial since it is based on pleasure.

5. With chastity there is less risk of physical or verbal abuse

Sex outside marriage is associated with violence and other forms of abuse. In fact, there are more than twice as many physical assaults between couples who live together without commitment than between married couples. There is less jealousy and less selfishness in courting couples who live purity than in those who let themselves be carried away by the passions. Sexual respect fosters other forms of respect.

6. With chastity the repertoire of ways of showing affection grows

Couples who live sexual abstinence discover new details for showing affection. Creativity and ingenuity grow for having a good time and demonstrating mutual interest.

7. With chastity in courtship there are greater chances of success in marriage

It has been shown that couples who have cohabited have greater chances of divorcing than those who have not.

8. If the relationship breaks up, it will hurt less

The bonds created by sexual activity bind strongly. If there is a break, the pain is intensified by the bonds established. When there has been no intimate relationship and they decide to part, the separation is less devastating.

9. You will feel better as a person

Sexually active adolescents frequently lose self-esteem and admit to living with guilt. When they decide to set aside physical intimacy and live chastely, they feel reborn and grow as persons. Their intellectual, artistic, and social potential improves.