A. What Is Charity?
1. What is charity?
Charity is the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for His own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God. In this article, we focus specifically on charity toward our neighbor. To begin, we must clarify what it means to love, a concept often misunderstood because there are two distinct kinds of love.
2. What are the two kinds of love?
- We can distinguish two fundamental kinds of love:
- Emotional love (affection / liking), or spontaneous attraction toward the good. Here, a person is drawn to some pleasing quality perceived in another—their smile, their interests, their sports team, their humor, their wealth, their hometown... Such affections are natural and good, though somewhat variable, and they typically mark the beginning of human friendships. (It is worth noting that since original sin, our desires can also be disordered, becoming attracted to what is harmful).
- Charitable love (benevolent love / charity), which corresponds to the classical philosophical definition: to love someone is to will their authentic good. This love can be extended even toward those to whom we feel no spontaneous emotional affinity. For example, at the beginning of a marriage, romantic feeling usually predominates; over the years, disagreements and misunderstandings inevitably create moments of emotional distance. Yet authentic love endures as long as each spouse continues to will the true good of the other and of the family, even when feelings of warmth are momentarily absent. By persevering in thoughtful acts of affection, spontaneous warmth and fondness are naturally rekindled.
3. Are we called to love everyone?
Let us phrase the question more precisely: are we called to will the authentic good of everyone? Stated thus, the affirmative answer becomes intuitive and clear. Having warm emotional feelings toward every person is practically impossible; but willing their authentic good—wishing them salvation and well-being, even when they are not naturally agreeable to us—is entirely within our power. We never will harm to anyone.
4. Why should we love everyone?
The reasons are manifold:
- We naturally desire that others treat us with kindness and fairness.
- It fosters harmony, trust, and mutual support in human society.
- It expands our heart and overcomes the constriction of selfishness.
- The only truly decisive, bedrock reason to love even our enemies is that the Lord loves them infinitely, and Christ died on the Cross for them just as He did for us. Every human person is beloved of God; therein lies his inalienable dignity and supreme honor. This explains why the institutions that care most selflessly for the sick, the destitute, and the abandoned are so often founded and sustained by devout believers. Their secret is that they perceive the infinite worth of each person, knowing they are cherished by God.
5. Does loving someone mean indulging their every whim?
No, not at all. Loving means willing the authentic good of another, and constantly granting every whim is not a good; rather, it harms the person, fostering weakness, selfishness, and caprice. While the indulgent person may mean well, such behavior represents a misguided, counterfeit love.
6. Who loves more deeply?
He loves more deeply who wills the higher good for the beloved; and love reaches its highest nobility when that good is secured through great personal sacrifice. (This enables us to glimpse the unfathomable love of Jesus Christ, who secures for us the eternal beatitude of heaven—the highest possible good—at the cost of His own life offered upon the Cross).
7. What are the primary obstacles to charity?
The two great obstacles to charity are:
- Hatred.- It is the direct antithesis of charitable love, for to hate someone is to desire their ruin or harm. The mere absence of spontaneous emotional liking is not hatred: it is entirely possible to find someone temperamentally unappealing without wishing them the slightest harm.
- Selfishness.- The selfish person loves only himself. Consequently, he loves wrongly, shriveling and distorting his own heart, which was created by God to love generously and widely.
8. What temptations arise against charity?
Spiritual combat is very real here. The devil seeks incessantly to sow discord, cultivate resentments, and magnify grievances. To that end, he exaggerates others' flaws in our imagination, while constantly stirring up old grievances and past slights in our memory so that wounds never heal. For this reason, beyond striving to think well of others, we must cultivate the deliberate habit of promptly forgiving and forgetting offenses.
B. How to Practice Charity
1. Thinking well of others
- Avoid harboring critical judgments, both internally and outwardly. Give others the benefit of the doubt: perhaps they acted out of ignorance, sudden stress, exhaustion, or overwhelming temptation. This does not mean being naive or reckless; prudent safeguards should be maintained, but without bitterness or disparaging talk. Entertaining negative thoughts poisons the soul with bitterness, which easily spreads to those around us.
2. Forgiving and forgetting others' mistakes
- Resentment harms the person who harbors it far more than the person resented. It leaves sin in one's soul, bitterness in one's heart, and sleeplessness in one's eyes—while the other person is often entirely unaware of it. Therefore, do not allow grievances to take root within your heart. The longer resentment is nurtured, the more deeply it corrupts the inner life.
3. Is it easy to forget an injury?
It is not easy to overlook deep wounds, because injuries to the heart take time to heal. It may be wise to take temporary emotional distance from someone until initial indignation subsides and forgiveness can mature. But one must actively avoid brooding over the injury. While an unexpected hurt naturally produces initial anger, it is deeply uncharitable to keep a mental ledger of past grievances, bringing them up afresh with every new mistake—a meticulous scorekeeping worthy of a far better cause.
4. Being mindful of others and serving them
- Seek to make life pleasant for those around you, showing delicate regard for their feelings. Even when duty requires firm correction—for instance, in the education and upbringing of children—it should always be done with courtesy and patience, while standing firm when principle requires it.
5. How can we know how to treat others well?
There is a simple, practical rule for charity: treat everyone with the same attentiveness and warmth with which you naturally treat those you like best. And since each of us naturally looks out for our own well-being, this leads directly to the Golden Rule of the Gospel: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," and "As you wish that men would do to you, do so to them."
6. Considering those who will come after us
This is a beautiful and practical application of charity with a forward-looking dimension, providing endless opportunities for refined Christian delicacy:
- Leaving a room tidy and welcoming, thinking of the person who will enter next.
- Leaving the bathroom spotless, with clean towels and supplies in place, mindful of the next person who will use it.
- Turning off lights and closing faucets, mindful of family expenses.
- Refueling the car or restocking supplies before they run out, considering whoever will need them next; and so on.
7. Why being right is of secondary importance
- In daily family and community life, winning an argument is of little importance compared to preserving love and doing what is good. This is an invaluable principle to remember in moments of disagreement.
8. What is the most sublime form of charity?
The highest and most fruitful form of charity is the apostolate: helping others draw near to God. Showing genuine care for the eternal soul of another is the greatest good we can ever offer him, and therefore constitutes the purest expression of Christian love.
9. What about almsgiving?
Almsgiving is likewise a genuine act of charity whereby one directly assists someone in need and cultivates personal generosity. In this case, the good communicated takes the form of material and financial support.